That's right, I'm back with a surprise blog post!
Now anyone who knows me knows I LOVE Star Wars, I live and breath Star Wars. I could tell you facts about Star Wars lore that would make you say "What the hell, you're a nerd!" and you'd be right. But being a Star Wars fan is complicated; Everyone enjoys something different about this universe, hell some Star Wars fans don't seem to enjoy anything about Star Wars. Being a Star Wars fan means having to see "hot takes" about how Rey is an overpowered Mary Sue despite having literally the exact same strengths as every other previous main character, or how new Boba Fett isn't as cool as his previous iteration (you know, the one who had 3 lines and then got comically knocked into the death pit with a stick). Anyway, what was I saying? Oh right, I love Star Wars, and I'm here with a ranking of every piece of Star Wars non-game media (I did promise I would, after all). I might still do the games at some point...MAYBE, only maybe...do you have any idea how many Star Wars games there are? Because I do, I've played all of them.
ANYWAY, without further ado, let's rank these movies/shows. I'll do my best to be objective here but this is all still going to be my opinion.
Disclaimer: Some of my opinions may be...controversial to other Star Wars fans. Don't @ me.
16. Star Wars: Rebels
I'm sorry, I just don't like this show. I know a lot of people do, and that's totally cool, I don't want to tell them they're wrong, it's just not for me. I think there's the nucleus of a good show hidden in here somewhere, if it were maybe to focus on Kanan and Maul and Ahsoka, but it's just not executed in a way I enjoy. The Rebels themselves come off as silly kids who keep getting lucky, and framed in this light, their continued success against some of Star Wars biggest villains (especially the criminally underwhelming version of Thrawn in this show) just makes the Empire look inept. Sabine and Ezra are easy picks for some of my least favorite Star Wars characters of all time (and yes that's including Jar Jar Binks and young Anakin Skywalker so make of that what you will), and the rest of the characters are either unnecessary (Zeb) or totally wasted (Hera and Kanan). Now that we have a successful show about the early rebellion, this show has fallen even farther down the ladder.
1/5, I really wish I could enjoy this. The thin lightsabers are weird.
15. Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker
Alright so yes, my opinion on this movie has obviously changed a lot. While it's probably not objectively the worst Star Wars movie, I cannot deny that the compromise of creative vision that this movie represents makes me pretty upset, especially considering how good the original Episode 9 script was. While the action is still a lot of fun and the characters are all still more or less enjoyable (even if their arcs are a bit all over the place), I can't help but put the blame for this trilogy's confused tone almost entirely on this movie. Plotlines that come completely out of left field, obvious retcons of previous movies, and a general air of JJ. Abrams just not caring all that much about following through on the previous films make this movie feel like the culmination of exactly what people were afraid of when Disney took over Star Wars, and given how much I enjoy its direct predecessor, it's a damn shame. I don't think this trilogy is sloppy because Disney "went in without a plan", as people like to say; I think the first two films follow each other perfectly well, as did this films original script. I think this trilogy is sloppy because this movie is a reactionary, confusing, wannabe Marvel film that feels almost entirely disconnected from its predecessors, and if Disney wanted to go ahead and make the original version of Episode 9 and pretend this didn't happen, I honestly wouldn't complain.
2/5, gosh this movie is frustrating.
14. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Yeah that's right, this is the worst of the prequels. I'm gonna tell you why in bullet points, and then move to the good stuff.
- After two movies of barely developing Anakin's character, they decide to just drop the ball on him entirely. His arc here goes from confused to batshit over the course of the movie, and his reasons for joining the dark side, the events that are supposed to push him to become the feared monster Darth Vader, are...the Jedi Council doesn't trust him (rightly so because he's shown to be violent and rash) and he wants to maybe save his wife (unclear, because he almost immediately tries to murder her after falling). This could have been a great story of disillusionment with a corrupt establishment, forbidden love, and struggling with the weight of expectation, but unfortunately, after not having Anakin go through anything resembling a character arc in the previous two movies, they have to rush us through the process of him becoming Darth Vader in one film. The fact that he goes from acknowledging that Palpatine is evil, to risking it all by attacking Mace Windu, only to learn that Palpatine does not in fact know how to save Padme, but then goes slaughtering children anyway within 10 minutes of screen time is enough to give someone whiplash. Heck maybe it does make sense that he becomes Darth Vader because this dude is f@$%ing crazy.
- Almost everything is CGI and it did not age well. Watching the movie now it looks like a cartoon. I'm almost willing to let this slide because maybe they just wanted to push the envelope but why are all of the Clone Troopers CG if they're just dudes in armor? We've done dudes in armor before. Why are actors occasionally replaced with very noticeable CG just so they can do a flip? We've had people do flips before. The CGI makes it very hard to take anything in a scene seriously, and it's overuse is made even more confusing by the fact that a decent amount of things in the movie are still done practically. It's all very inconsistent. I'm a big fan of great CGI, but using it to replace so many things that could just be done practically sets a bad precedent (a precedent that modern Hollywood has really beaten to death).
- The movie has no actual plot for about 75% of its run time. The characters move from one set-piece to another because the movie needs to fill itself with action, and then an actual plot kicks in right around the 90 minute mark. This movie's biggest issue is that it knows that we know how it's supposed to end, and instead of wowing us with the story of Anakin's fall from grace, it trips up at the start and then limps to the finish line with a decent third act.
- Yoda and Obi-Wan leaving the galaxy to its fate just feels so wrong of them and I'm surprised people don't talk about it more. It would make sense if they were overwhelmed and had to flee for their lives, but that's not how things are portrayed in this film. In every engagement post Order 66, they seem to have the upper hand, I mean they manage to fight their way into the Jedi temple just fine and Yoda just straight up walks into Palpatine's office. After not even losing his fight to the Emperor, Yoda just kinda...leaves. I mean, Obi-Wan won his fight, they easily could have taken Palpatine. It's confusing to me that people are cool with this version of Yoda who just calls it quits, but Luke leaving the galactic stage after a crisis of faith in The Last Jedi is apparently a bridge too far for them.
Alright so that was a lot of bad, and reading it all now you might think I hate this film. I really don't, I enjoy all Star Wars films, but I have to take the bad with the good and this movie has a surprising amount of bad, even compared to the other prequels. Fortunately this movie has a few saving graces:
- That opening scene is pretty neat, I love a good space fight.
- Obi-Wan continues, in this film, to be the best thing to come from the prequels. He's fun, witty, and awesome.
- The 3rd act is actually decent, and the climactic battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin certainly doesn't disappoint (despite the fact that the emotional weight it should have had was not entirely present). That said, side note: The way Anakin and Obi-Wan fight in this film is very visually engaging, but it's also a fight that is specific to their character dynamic; the reason they swing so fast and block so much is that these two are Jedi Knights in their prime and (supposedly) close friends who know each other and their styles very well. THIS IS NOT WHAT EVERY LIGHTSABER FIGHT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, and I'm exhausted by fans thinking this should be the default, and who complain when it isn't.
- Anakin doesn't come off as a creepy stalker psycho in this movie so that's nice.
- Now that we've completed another trilogy, I can at least give this movie points for feeling like part of a reasonably coherent whole.
2/5, not that great, didn't really age well, still has some fun moments.
13. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
You know what really doesn't excite kids? Politics, and this movie has a lot of that. I'm not sure when George decided that nothing was more riveting than the intricacies of galactic trade law and senate hearings but, as I'm sure you know, it didn't really work out. That said, if we ignore those things (and how annoying young Anakin is), this movie actually has a decent amount of fun stuff in it: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are a great duo, podracing was cool (fight me), John Williams did some great work on the soundtrack, and everything involving Darth Maul (including his extended canon on TV) is fantastic (ESPECIALLY that final duel between Maul and Obi-Wan).
Not really too much to say about this one. 2.5/5, not terrible, not great, perfectly tolerable with a few moments that push it into "pretty good".
12. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Contrary to popular opinion, I actually find this film to be the most watchable of the prequels. Yes, Anakin is a terrible character in this one, yes it means they have to try and make him suddenly likeable in the third one and shove his entire character arc into one movie, yes the love story is unbearable, and yes those things take up about half of the movie, but I find the other half of this movie pretty engaging. Watching Obi-Wan trail an assassin across the galaxy is pretty cool, and the big final blowout fight was probably the most "war" we'd seen in the Star Wars films up to that point. John Williams does his best work throughout these three movies here, with just about every track being a banger, and the movies also hadn't gone absolutely bonkers with the CGI yet so the amount of practical effects is refreshing. This film is also responsible for spawning some of the best extended universe stuff since the Thrawn trilogy, so there's that.
2.5/5, not much better than Episode 1, but it's definitely not as boring. Watching Yoda fight was cool and you can't change my mind, even if it was wildly out of character. All three of these movies are the "dumb" kinda fun.
11: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
While I'm forever sad that this replaced the vastly superior Tartakovsky 2003 Clone Wars (and the original incarnation of General Grevious is now forever replaced by...the way he is now, RIP), I cannot deny that this show is...pretty damn good at it's best. The characters, for the most part, are a lot of fun to watch, especially when it's Anakin and Obi-Wan being a power couple, and Ahsoka has ended up as one of the most enduring extended universe characters of all time, up there with Admiral Thrawn and Kyle Katarn as far as I'm concerned (if you know you know). The show has a bit of a rocky start as it finds its footing, but by the last few seasons it's an absolute power house, and the final episodes are really something.
Even though I'm a firm believer that the prequels should have been structured as follows:
Episode 1: Attack of the Clones (but maybe change the name accordingly, heck you could probably still call it 'The Phantom Menace' and replace Dooku with Maul, that would be great for everyone)
Episode 2: The Clone Wars
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
I won't complain all that much, because this show is a pretty good time.
3/5, a solid Star War
10: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
This is a good movie with two major things holding it back from greatness: The whole affair feels like it's checking things off of a list meant to please Star Wars fans (see every old character's reveal in the film), and of course, JJ Abrams "mystery box" (see his TED talk if you don't know what I mean. Basically it's a way to get your audience hooked on the idea of a mystery, even if the follow through is either dumb or nonexistent). Those things aside, the movie is a good time. The action scenes are very well done, especially the saber work, and although the movie struggles to find the time between these action beats to really make us care about/flesh out the story of the new characters, the new cast is really giving it their all. Rey is an endlessly likeable character (despite what some people seem to think), Finn has his only good character arc here (which is a crying shame because he is so great in this movie), and Kylo Ren is given the groundwork of one of the most interesting villain stories we've seen, which is carried through beautifully in the following film.
3/5, despite some lingering feelings of familiarity and reliance on fan-service, this movie was a great return to form for Star Wars.
9. Solo: A Star Wars Story
My opinion on this movie has actually changed quite a bit recently, having seen it a couple more times. I cannot deny that, although I wasn't too excited at first, this movie is actually...kind of a blast to watch. It's just a fun, inoffensive space heist movie. The action is great, the soundtrack is great, the actors are all charismatic as hell. Really I don't have a lot of bad things to say about this one. It's disposable, sure, and some of the standard "prequel things" are, as always, a little annoying (I don't understand prequel movie obsessions with giving stupid explanations for things that nobody gave a shit about, in this case Han's last name), but I enjoy it every time it's on. This is my baseline quality for a Star Wars spinoff project.
3.5/5, actually a ton of fun after multiple re-watches.
8. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Unfortunately, this movie is the weakest of the original trilogy. The first act plods a little bit until we leave Tatooine, despite some fun action beats, and the second and third acts are both bogged down by some wooden acting and everything involving the Ewoks. However, Luke has his best character arc yet in this film, having become a full fledged Jedi Knight (with a badass green lightsaber). His climactic final showdown with Vader and the Emperor is some of the best emotionally grounded action I've ever seen, and the Battle of Endor really is something to see (Ewoks excluded).
3.5/5, a bit slow but still very compelling, with a powerhouse ending to round off the trilogy.
7. Obi Wan Kenobi
This one is complicated to place. While I generally enjoyed the show and the finale episode was worth the watch alone, the first few episodes do get off to a bit of a slow start. Made compelling mostly through Ewan McGregor's commitment to the role and some great work done in the final few episodes, this series offers a satisfying conclusion that helps to fill in some of the emotional gaps left by the prequel trilogy's hollow character work.
4/5, the last episode is essential Star Wars viewing as far as I'm concerned.
6. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
This movie suffers from basically the same issue as Return of the Jedi; The first two acts of this film are just forgettable. But that's ok, because Gareth Edwards comes through at the end with a solid hour of seriously impressive Star Wars action. Holy shit, the whole throw-down on and above Scariff is some of the purest, most beautiful Star Wars action I think we'll ever get, and the Vader scene that follows it? Worth the price of admission on its own. The acting is fairly decent all around, even if we don't get a lot of time to care about the characters, and even the CGI human characters are pretty tolerable, if a little off-putting.
4/5, this is also probably the best looking Star Wars movie.
5. Star Wars: The Mandalorian/Book of Boba Fett
I'm going to go ahead and lump these two together because they're all part of the same story, and damn is it a good story. Jon Favreau has blessed us with some of the honest to goodness best Star Wars content since the original trilogy. Din Djarin, Cobb Vanth, Boba Fett, this iteration of Luke and Ahsoka, every character in these shows is just endearing as hell and I can't get enough of their side stories. With groundbreaking visual effects, solid plotlines, truly excellent action, and more Star Wars fanservice than you can shake the Darksaber at, I think I'll still be enjoying these shows long into their runs.
4.5/5, we're into the really good stuff now.
4. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Hopefully you've already read my very lengthy thoughts on the good and bad of this movie (and trilogy) here, so I'll try and sum it up: Yes, this movie has some pacing issues, a couple poorly written characters, and the execution of the plot is a bit sloppy, but that doesn't stop this from being the first Star Wars film in ages to break the mold of the franchise and send it off in a new direction. Like it or not, this movie was just the shot in the arm the franchise needed to finally do something different, and I loved it. What really puts this movie into the top 3 for me are the incredible story arcs given to Luke, Rey and Kylo Ren, all of whom went down paths that I honestly was not expecting, but couldn't be happier about. Luke's story of failure, self-imposed exile, and eventual redemption is the kind of heroic stuff that brings a tear to your eye, Rey's journey of self discovery and self-realization made her one of my favorite Jedi, and Kylo Ren's continuous spiral into chaos is one of the most unique and well-realized villain arcs in Star Wars. This movie reminded me of all the things I love so much about Star Wars, and left me waiting excitedly for what WAS going to come next (frowny face).
4.5/5, nothing more to say here.
3. Andor
Well this should come as no surprise to my blog readers. This show is fucking excellent, it's so good there's a part of me that considered putting it above the other movies just to make a point. If you haven't watched this, you are seriously missing out on the best Star Wars content in literal decades. A masterfully constructed political thriller that ranks not only amongst Tony Gilroy's best work, but situates itself atop the Star Wars totem pole effortlessly.
5/5, consider this to be at least tied with the best of the best
2. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
The classic, only one movie tops it. These last two are easily the best sci fi movies ever made. Do you know what science fiction was like before Star Wars? Cuz it wasn't like this. Down to Earth characters, comprehensible and beautiful starships, incredible visual effects, planets and locations that actually felt like part of a larger universe that was just behind the curtain. This movie captured my heart and my imagination as a child and has never let go, no matter how many times I re-watch it. A shining example of what the sci-fi movie genre can be when someone with real vision steps in.
5/5, so close to perfection. Han shot first.
1. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
I FRIGGIN LOVE this movie. I'm not sure I can even accurately describe how ingrained in my psyche this film is. Luke reaching for the lightsaber in the Wampa cave, AT-AT's marching across the frozen tundra of Hoth, the Falcon racing Tie Fighters across the surface of an asteroid, the duel in the carbon freezing chamber, these are the moments that defined my childhood. Standard-setting visuals and story for the genre, John Williams' legendary soundtrack, the coolest sci fi action ever (it still holds up today), one of the best twists in movie history, and of course, classic Yoda. Not content to just be the greatest sci-fi films of all time, the first two Star Wars films are just generally excellent.
5/5 That's all folks.
So there you have it. If you'd like to debate any of this with me, or agree on my particular placements, leave a comment, I'd love to know what everyone thinks of this wacky franchise!
Comentários